Saturday, 19 December 2020

Xmas Cancelled in SouthEast: Starmer Furious That Johnson Did What He Told Him To

Sir Keith Starmer has expressed his fury that Boris Johnson cancelled Christmas in the southeast of England as a direct result of schools reopening in September (which Keith told him to do). 

A Labour spokesman explained: "We didn't mean that crap about 'no ifs, no buts.' Our focus groups told us to appeal to right-wing dickheads to score a few cheap political points. We didn't think in our wildest nightmares Johnson would be stupid enough to listen to us." 

(Note: I may have slightly paraphrased there.)

So there you have it, Captain Hindsight knew what the right thing to do was all along. He just told the government to do the exact opposite because optics are much more important than principles for Blue Labour, even if it means a few teachers might get sick or die. I have no polite words for these people.

But let's not let the Tories off the hook here because let's face it, they've been completely and utterly useless this year. Dangerous, in fact. 

I still can't believe Tory voters let Johnson cancel Christmas just because they didn't want Jeremy Corbyn to give them free broadband. Especially when you consider they've been screaming for the last 20 years that lefties are trying to "cancel Christmas!" They're a confused bunch, Tory voters. But to be fair, most of them struggle to see past the end of their bank balances. Or their racism.

So here we are, with Europe's highest death toll, with a totally avoidable second wave while New Zealand is back to normal, having seen about 25-ish deaths, thanks to the socialist leadership of Jacinda Ardern. God, I fucking love her! Please don't tell my wife.

The southeast has been put into Tier 4, and don't ask me what that means because I'm no journalist, I'm just an idiot blogger and I really can't be arsed to check. Is anyone keeping up with the rules these days? I just know that if you are put in Tier 4 and try to visit relatives at Christmas, you can get in trouble with the police, so please don't. Plus, don't bother making plans if you're in Tier 3 because you'll probably be put in Tier 4 on Christmas Eve, about three hours before midnight... 

"Don't be silly, they wouldn't do that!"

Really? Well, they did it to Muslims about three hours before Eid, but in fairness to the Tories that was probably because they see Muslims as second class humans. Then again, they see most of us as second class humans, especially us council estate dwellers.

What a way to end the worst year in living memory, eh? Not content with needlessly killing our vulnerable citizens for capital interests, inflicting "long covid" on 20% of sufferers, haemorrhaging (took me six attempts to spell that correctly) jobs,  and completely and utterly decimating NHS services, they haven't let many of us get together for Christmas. They really have given us the worst of all worlds. 

Merry Christmas everyone (Tories excluded!)

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