Wednesday, 27 January 2021

Did Boris Johnson Really Do His Best? Or Am I Living Among the Walking Braindead?


"I truly did my best!" Boris Johnson says with very sorry eyes.

 "Never mind, you tried your hardest and that's what matters," they reply.

Yeah, one hundred thousand innocent people are dead due to Tory greed and incompetence. Poor Boris.

My God, I don't know what to say here. I really don't. One hundred thousand innocent people are dead (more than a packed Wembley Stadium) and this is the crap my fellow countrymen and women are coming out with. I'm at a loss.

Remember when Donald Trump said he could shoot a person on Fifth Avenue and not lose any supporters? Well, that's you people, you're the British, sorry English equivalent. Boris Johnson just shot one hundred thousand people on Oxford Street and you're mad at how Jeremy Corbyn wore his poppy that one time.

Well, hopefully not all of you.

I need you to tell me you're not one of them. That you're not one of the walking braindead. That you can see reason. Because right now, I'm wondering what I ever did to deserve to be born into a country of dangerous idiots. Of lemmings jumping off a cliff at the behest of the funny buffoon man with the silly haircut. Because that's who we should be taking leadership from in a crisis. A cartoon character.

Dear God, help me escape idiot island. Is New Zealand accepting refugees?

"At least Corbyn's not in charge!" they bellow, almost gleefully, like the man who demanded we lock down on 15th March 2019 and pursue a "zero-Covid strategy" that's worked so well in other countries would have done worse. 

Worse than the worst death rate in the world? Worse than the worst economic recession? Worse than £22 billion to Serco and God knows how much to other dodgy contractors? There are times you need to stop and ask yourself, have I been brainwashed? Now is one of those times.

HINT: If you read the newspapers, you're probably not getting your information from credible sources here. You're more likely getting it from people willing to kill your grandma so they can go for a family day out. From people who think your niece with asthma doesn't matter because she has an "underlying health condition". 

Of course, you may actually be thinking along those lines too, in which case you've not been brainwashed, you're just a psychopath. Worse, you're a traitor.

Ironic, isn't it? The people who love to talk about patriotism are always the first to sacrifice our own people so they can live in a little extra comfort. The real patriots, of course, are the ones who love the people in this country, who are prepared to take the pain to protect even those they've never met. Even the dumb ones who voted Tory!

That's why I'm quite prepared to endure another lockdown, even though I'm surrounded by three kids 24/7 and honestly at the brink of losing my damn mind while suffering from long Covid and crippling back pain and finding myself in a purgatory where even my one outlet - writing - is mostly denied to me. The only reason I'm writing this now is because I somehow got the kids to sleep without too much fuss and I'm furiously typing in an adrenaline-fuelled rage before I collapse and pass out some time in the next 15 minutes and then return to the tedium of being teacher/child juggler all day again tomorrow with absolutely no let up. 

Hell, I'm desperate for the kids to return to school. So fucking desperate. There are so many things I could be doing, if only I was child-free, even with my shitty health issues and constant brain fog. I would love for lockdown to be lifted, but I'm not asking for that. Why?

Because I care about my fellow human beings. I care that the new Covid strain - the Johnson strain - is infecting more people. I care that it's more contagious. I care that it's taking more lives. I care that children might suffer the worst from long Covid. I care that even young, healthy people are now filling intensive care units. I care that old, frail people are dying at such a rate, the pensions bill has been reduced by £600 million. And I'm fucking terrified that I live in a country where some people are seeing that as a win. £600 million you say? Marvellous!

"We will have the kids back at school by March!" Johnson says while thinking up a get-out clause for private schools.

"Yeah, you better bloody had!" Starmer replies, under the misunderstanding his role as LOTO is to out-Tory the Tories.

"March isn't soon enough!" the sociopaths cry, suspending their heckling of NHS staff to turn their attention back to "lazy activist teachers" who are dying at twice the rate of other people in their respective age groups. But who gives a crap about them? I want to eat some shite food at Wetherspoons.

We're up to 1,700 deaths a day. "But Corbyn's a terrorist supporter!" they insist as we have a 9/11 every 36 hours. They love talking about national security, but they hate keeping our nation secure.

The infuriating thing is how this is all so self-defeating. This arrogance, this hostility to science, this complete and utter indifference to the plight of our most vulnerable citizens.

If we had listened to Corbyn, if we had locked down earlier and harder, not only could we have stamped this out quicker, saving countless lives, but we could now be seeing a stronger performance for their precious economy and we wouldn't be facing such draconian lockdown rules. They chose to sacrifice lives rather than their own freedom and bank balance, instead they've sacrificed all three.

But we're the loony lefties.

Starmer fans are nodding in agreement as they wear t-shirts saying, "Grown up in the room" because they're so grown up, they only want to half-ignore the science. Or at least their cult leader does.

But at least it's not Jeremy Corbyn! I mean that free broadband idea was so stupid when one in three kids can't access home schooling because they have no internet. So glad that lot helped put Johnson in charge. Honestly, it was Corbyn who cost us the red wall, not the PV brigade. And now all us northerners are being rewarded for switching allegiance with things like 60% furlough (remember that?) and 50% reduced vaccine stock because All Lives Matter, but southern lives matter more. 

Also, I'm pretty sure Johnson is still planning to starve the kids at half-term (or has he changed his mind yet?) and every kid where I live is on free school meals so that means every kid will be starving. All in the name of sovereignty.

At least we saved our fishing industry though... Hang on, no we didn't.

Thankfully, working class children can't actually feel hunger. Or human emotion. Us plebs just like to whine about these things because it's a hobby to us. Plus, it's all our fault Britain is doing so badly because we are simultaneously demanding lockdown be extended while flocking around to massive house parties, apparently. Where are these parties exactly? Because I haven't bloody been invited.

Anyways, I'm not letting you all off the hook here. I need to say that if you still support Johnson after all that's happened, you're dangerous. Really fucking dangerous. And your idiot vote comes with consequences. As in a lot of very full morgues. 

Please pull your head out your arse, take a look at reality and try to give a crap about your fellow human beings because honestly, you're exhausting, and if you're mad at me for being mad at you, just remember Johnson is mad at you too. In fact, he's blaming everything on you. Whatever you do, don't forget that according to him, it's all your fault!

Lack of PPE? Your fault.

Delayed first lockdown? Your fault.

Premature end to lockdown? Your fault.

Refusal to have circuit breaker? Your fault.

Eat out to help out? Your fault.

Repeatedly starving kids? Your fault.

No test and trace? Your fault.

Overcrowded non-essential workplaces? Your fault.

Constantly changing and woefully inconsistent rules? Your fault.

Lack of ventilators in ICU? Your fault.

Johnson hiding in fridges? Your fault.

Everything's your fault, according to Johnson. And if you voted for him, I kind of agree.

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