Council Estate Voices Endorses the Tories

Council Estate Voices would like to announce we now endorse the Conservative Party and will be campaigning for them going forwards. This is because we've finally seen the light and come to realise all the UK's problems stem from immigrants and poor people. Not poor people like us though, we're the good kind. We mean other poor people.

For example: people who claim benefits. 

Now all of us have claimed benefits at some point, but we did so through need. It is, however, clear that every person who claims benefits today is not doing so through need, but through greed. These people are living a life of luxury at our expense. Some even get free food from places known as food banks while we have to work hard for our meals. Most benefits claimants work too actually, but that just makes things worse. Why should we pay to stop their kids from starving? This is not the Tory way.

And let's get back to those immigrants. 

Frankly, it's unacceptable for people to flee any of those countries we have recently bombed. They should stay behind in the rubble we created and fight off the marauding hordes, otherwise they are cowards. Plus, none of their problems are real, because if they were, they'd move into a refugee camp in the neighbouring country by law. That's an international law which we just totally made up.

Who do they think they are, desperately coming to a country where they speak the language and have family and friends already here? Clearly, they just want to be benefits claimants like those awful people we mentioned above. Disgusting.

But it gets worse. 

I recently applied for a job as a brain surgeon, but I didn't get the job because an immigrant with "qualifications" got the job instead. I mean, I didn't have the necessary qualifications, but what happened to British jobs for British people? I'm not racist or anything, I just think white people should always come first, and if we don't get our own way, it's because we're being victimised. I'm still livid that brain surgeon stole my job, by the way.

Thankfully, we have a great man in Boris Johnson who appreciates all of this and more. He's really on our side. I particularly love the way he awards those who are loyal to him with shit-tons of tax-payer money. No wonder the ladies love him! I'm personally thinking of donating a fiver to the Conservative Party so I can get a PPE contract.

And then we have the magnificent Priti Patel who really gets people like me, even though she's one of those BAME types. Don't worry, she's the good BAME type because she seems to hate all the other BAME types, unless they're rich and donate to her party. 

We fully endorse Priti Patel's plans to set the Royal Navy onto refugees because anyone who flees bombs must be met with more bombs. Also, we would like to encourage the return of workhouses, chimney sweeping, and the cane. If our children won't appreciate the value of hard work, we should whack them across the hand until they learn.

Finally and most importantly, we would like to back the leader of the opposition, Sir Keir Starmer. Now we weren't exactly fans of his to be honest, but his followers really won us over with their kind words like "Grow up!" and "Shut up, crank!"

We would therefore like to propose The Labour Party and The Conservative Party merge into a new super-party with racism and corruption at its heart. This will ensure nothing changes in our completely perfect country that we constantly whinge about, ever again.

The Johnson for Prime Minister. Keith for Deputy Prime Minister. You know it makes sense.

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  1. I wonder how bad things really have to get before people realise unless you happen to be one of the few multimillionaires or Billionaires, The Conservative Party are not on your side. Their name gives us a clue, conservative. They actually conserve as much of public money in whilst in Governmen-To give to themselves one way or another!

  2. They are being too bloody kind! Get rid of those working tax credits, what is that all about! People get paid when they go to work and should not receive handouts from the state to help. If they do not get paid enough then they should go and get a second or third job. There are 24 hours in the day and they should be used to the max. Now we have left the Nazi EU we can thankfully wave goodbye to those silly rights they imposed on us. Kiss that 48 hour working week goodbye. There are 168 hours in one week, get to work! 4 weeks paid holiday, I have never been on holiday, why should anybody else go on holiday, let alone paid for! I am fully behind you on this and thank God Labour seem to have fallen in line as well! Three hurrah's for Boris our saviour. Hurrah, hurrah, bloody hurrah!


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