Sunday, 6 February 2022


He is like a turd that will not be flushed.

Sorry to be crude, but you know immediately who I'm talking about, don't you?

He refuses to be flushed, even though no one wants him, even though his approval ratings have fallen through the floor and his staff are fleeing from the sinking ship like rats. Okay, I'm mixing my similes now, but whatever, he has been an unmitigated disaster.

Thanks to his leadership, or rather lack of leadership, we are facing a cost of living crisis. Well, by we, I actually mean middle-class people. Us working class folks have always been facing a cost of living crisis and now millions of middle-class people are joining us, so hi, welcome to the club!

You're about to learn what we've been banging on about for years. You're about to understand all the issues you ignored because you thought you knew better (socialists excluded). You're about to learn everything you previously understood to be common sense was bullshit and the people you called loonies were right all along.

By now, you can probably see how bat-shit insane someone like Kirstie Allsopp sounds when she insists poor people can easily get on the housing ladder, as long as we're willing to move to cheaper areas, like we're not already living in those cheaper areas, on minimum wage and zero hours contracts with no chance of saving for a deposit. 

Privately-educated Kirstie had to go without her gym membership and ask for a little help from her father, Charles Allsopp, 6th Baron Hindlip to get on the housing ladder, aged 21. It's that easy.

Hands up everyone who has never been able to afford a gym membership, let alone a mortgage deposit?

If you've recently gone from middle-class to struggling, you're about to find out just how unbearably patronising Tories like Kirstie Allsopp can be. Prepare to not be as polite and measured in your responses as you once were because poverty can make people cranky.

You see, the art of conservatism is to give us the absolute bare minimum they can get away with and only offer a little more if we kick up an almighty fuss. And even then, they don't give us a fraction of what we need and they brag about their generosity like we should be grateful. 

Why do we accept this? Why are we always grateful for the absolute bare minimum when rich people are doubling their wealth? Well, we don't actually and we're not. It's just that we've always been outnumbered by people like you who sided with the likes of Kirstie Allsopp or Boris Johnson. Hopefully, we are reaching a tipping point and that is about to change.

It seems astonishing that after all the terrible things Boris Johnson and other Tory leaders have done, that a few parties are what could finally bring him down, but in another way, it makes perfect sense. People get mad when they see other people having the freedom to do things they can't, and middle-class people seeing someone holding parties when they couldn't hold parties filled them with rage. 

Now think about how mad you'll be when you can't afford to put the heating on, but your MP is claiming £3,500 for his heating bill on expenses.

The prime minister told us our heating bills would come down after Brexit and they are going through the roof. He told us unemployment had dropped by 440,000 when it's gone up by 600,000. He told us crime had dropped by 14% when it's actually gone up by 14%. He omitted fraud to come to that last figure, which is ironic when you consider Rishi Sunak has written off £4.3 billion of fraudulent Covid loans, many of which seemingly went to the Tories' mates. 

Don't forget these fuckers are introducing a national insurance rise throughout this utter shambles and the non-stop pathological lies. And even worse, any politician who has the balls to call out their lies gets kicked out of parliament. Imagine that! Imagine the prime minister being free to lie in parliament and the people who highlight the lies facing punishment. That's our "democracy" for you.

We live in a country where only the rich and powerful have representation because they buy that representation through "donations", but amusingly, this doesn't always work out for the corrupt billionaires. 

Take Telecoms mogul Mohamed Amersi, for example. He donated £200,000 to the Tories and now wants a refund because he got nothing in return! Amersi says he was excluded from "elite gatherings" and denied "prizes" like breakfast with Boris Johnson. He is complaining that he attempted to buy access and the Tory government ripped him off. If this doesn't show how corrupt our system is, I don't know what does.

But it's a mistake to call the system broken because this is capitalism working exactly as intended. The reality is the economy is doing fantastically. It's just that it's doing fantastically for them. It was never really your economy and it was certainly never ours. They just let you have a little more than us so you would side with them against us. Thanks for that.

But anyways, you're on our side now, so time to do some thinking.

Have you noticed how whenever the country is in a crisis, the working class are always asked to go without? We could easily ask the rich to pay their way, but instead, we must have a cold house in winter so they can keep getting richer. The entire system is a massive scam and now you're one of the people being scammed so you don't think the scam is fair anymore.

If anyone still needs proof of the contempt they hold us in, just look at the way Tory MP Karl McCartney spoke to Andy Burnham recently, actually coming out and saying Burnham was not representing his constituents because he dared criticise the government. "Do not bite the hand that feeds you," he said.

Some of us have been living this shit our whole lives and we wanted better too, but we were cut out because there wasn't enough room in the middle-class. Making room would've meant the rich sacrificing too much wealth - and by "too much", I mean not even enough to put a meaningful dent in their lifestyles. We mean that little to them.

There was a caller on This Morning recently who was desperately explaining how she couldn't feed her kids because her financial situation was impossible. Rochelle Humes and Alison Hammond agreed to send this poor woman £500 to help her out and some idiots were presenting this poverty porn as a feel-good story, rather than a scandal this was happening in the 6th richest nation on Earth.

Imagine believing there was no better way to allocate the nation's resources than the way we are now. Ordinary people deserve leadership from a compassionate and competent government. We deserve policies. We deserve hope, but instead we are told our living standards will continue to fall, and for those on the breadline, a further fall in living standards would mean destitution. Welcome to Boris Johnson's golden age.

Sometimes, I think back to when I was a kid, when I would lie under my bed and daydream about the hoverboards and flying cars of the future. I wasn't sure if we would have those, but I knew technological advance would surely lead to the advancement of humanity. I knew economic growth would be shared among all. I knew we were leaving the old ways behind. It never occurred to me, the first thing we would do with robotics was create killer robodogs (yes, they're real), but that's the world I ended up in. A world of control through intimidation with a veil of democracy that anybody could see through, if they were willing to admit their privilege was based upon lies. 

Back then, way back in the 90s, everyone understood the old ways were wrong; they could see plain as day the damage they had done to our region, our livelihoods. At least everyone I encountered understood, and the other people who'd voted for this, they weren't that bad, surely. They could see what they'd voted for had not worked out as promised. How could they not see?

Fast forward to today and those 10 to 15 years of failed neoliberalism have become 43 years of failed neoliberalism. It was Albert Einstein who said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." But we were forced to keep doing the same thing over and over because it was the only way, according to the selfish and the gullible.

"Boris Johnson saved us from Corbynism!" they insist as everything bad they claimed would happen under Corbyn, happens on their watch, but at least we didn't get universal fibre broadband, that would have been terrible. Policies are not supposed to help the poor.

Remember at the start of the pandemic, when they were giving the middle-class vouchers to eat in restaurants? Now they're making the working class skip meals to repay loans to energy companies they never agreed to take out. £200 loans that some people will never receive, but still have to pay back. Yes, you read that right! People will be repaying energy loans they never actually received. First time customers, for example.

The Tories deliberately have this upside-down because their ultimate goal is a system in which the working class are voiceless. They yearn for a time before the union movement when we just had to do as we were told. The bastards would bring back workhouses if they could.

In 1979, our society was split in two by Thatcherism and the post-war social democratic consensus was destroyed. The country became dog-eat-dog. It was not enough for the 2/3 of boomers who voted Tory to enjoy their free higher-education and buy their own home at a bargain price. They had to buy up the other homes at bargain prices too, before their peers had a chance to get on the housing ladder. They absolutely shit on their own working class peers so they could leave them behind. And what came next?

In the blink of an eye, a huge chunk of a single generation turned itself into a parasitical class. They became the landlords who took half our wages, voted away our working rights and rigged the system against us. It was so easy to rationalise though. The system had rewarded them for their hard work, so if the kids dare highlight the issues they face, they're just being "woke". They're starting a "culture war".

Can these idiots even hear themselves? They would not last two minutes in today's job market, but they don't need to, of course, they escaped the clutches of capitalism so fuck everyone else's material needs. They know they need us, but they don't care about what we might need from them. In a fair system, the people who tell us to earn our way would have to earn their way too and it would be hilarious to see them try.

Millennials and gen Z don't get to have anything. They must forever be trapped in this cycle of negative money, working constantly, never having time to see their friends. And now the system boomers created, the system they refused to acknowledge was failing, is crumbling. That system is finally hurting some of you and soon enough, it will be hurting them too. It took for the middle-class to get a taste of the working class experience for some of you to consider we might be human beings too. The situation became unacceptable when you were personally affected for two fucking minutes.

The working class have been living this shit for 43 years. Choosing between heating and eating is nothing new to us. I remember living in my bachelor pad in my twenties and wrapping myself in a blanket, mid-winter, while I was fully clothed and still freezing. My neighbours were clearly doing the same because I was living in an apartment block and I sure as hell wasn't receiving any warmth from their apartments.

So yeah, this cost of living crisis is just called normal life for us and now it's becoming normal life for you too. So here's the deal: we need to fight this together, and whatever solution we find cannot take us back to the status quo where you're okay and we're being shit on. Going forwards, we need systemic change so roll your sleeves up because they're going to come for you like they came for us. The best way to overcome that is to stand in solidarity, to recognise that we are all ultimately working class. Yes, even you

In reality, there are just two classes in society - the capitalist class and the working class. You kidded yourself that you were closer to them until they inevitably shit on you too. You sided with people who would turn you into human batteries if they could, if that would make them money, if they thought they could get away with it. You sided with people who only protected your privilege, to protect their own, to stop you finding your class consciousness and demanding change. Don't make that mistake again.