Keir Starmer: The PM who hated you (and couldn’t even do it competently)

If historians need an image to sum up Keir Starmer’s premiership, they aren’t gonna find anything historic. He doesn’t have a single accomplishment to his name. Even bad prime ministers have that one thing they can brag about. Not Starmer. There is literally nothing he can point to and say “I did that”.

“Now hold on a minute!” Starmer slams his tea cup down with indignation. “I changed the Labour Party for the better!”

Yes, that’s right, Keith, you did a brilliant job. You pissed off the unions and cut your party membership in half. You parachuted Luke Akehursts into Labour safe seats and made them unsafe. And you pretended all the people who oppose genocide hate Jews and love terrorism. What a fucking record! Round of applause, Keith! Well fucking done!

The most memorable image of Starmer was him squeezing out tears of self-pity during his resignation speech. Other than that, there is nothing. At least Liz Truss was hilarious. Starmer almost committed genocide against his own people by boring us all to death. All the while he was helping Israel carry out an actual genocide in Gaza.

“Yes, I think she does have the right to murder Palestinians,” he kept telling us. By “she”, he meant Israel. Weird fucking creep.

If I was asked to describe Starmer’s time in charge, the genocide wouldn’t even be the first thing that springs to mind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s unquestionably the worst thing he did, but genocide is almost to be expected of a British prime minister. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in the terms and conditions.

What is most striking about the last two years is just how proudly Starmer showed his contempt for those he’s supposed to represent. The way he wore that hatred on his sleeve was truly impressive. Most politicians hide the fact they think voters are morons. Starmer treated it like mind-numbingly dull performance art.

He looked at the Labour membership—the people who actually knocked on doors in the rain—and saw enemies. Want cheaper groceries? Far-left lunatic. Fancy nationalising water so you’re not paddling among turds? Dangerous extremist. Oppose dropping bombs on civilians? Congratulations, you’re now on a watchlist between Tommy Robinson and that one guy who still likes Momentum on Facebook.

Starmer didn’t bother with the usual pretence. He openly sneered at us and then convinced himself that his low approval rating was some sort of hate crime. He expected us to thank him for fucking us over.

Well done, Keith, you made the “tough choices!” Interesting that not one of those choices involved taxing the rich. They all involved telling some poor sod to cut down on porridge and stop using the washing machine.

Starmer “made Labour electable again” by winning fewer votes than Corbyn and taking advantage of a right-wing split. This won him a massive majority in our stupid electoral system. He had no excuse to not deliver. Unfortunately, he thought he had a greenlight to be a prick. His entire strategy involved alienating everyone who slightly disagreed with him, unaware that not a single person agreed with him.

To be acceptable in Starmer’s Britain you had to support Israel (but never say the quiet part loud), blame immigrants for crowded A and E departments, and agree that the solution to every problem was to kick the disabled a bit harder. You see someone in a wheelchair? Do your bit for the community. Tip them over.

The irony here is that the flag-shaggers hated him too. It was the funniest own-goal in modern politics. Even the divorced dads who climb lamp posts to hang Union Jacks knew that Starmer was just pandering. They knew he stood for absolutely nothing.

Starmer got into politics for all the wrong reasons. He wanted to get into the line of work where you represent literal demons in exchange for your soul. Unfortunately, he didn’t read the small print. He didn’t know that he would age twenty years in just two. He had no clue that he was gonna live in the Ghostbusters 2 painting with Tony Blair. He thought he was fucking everyone else over, not himself.

He thought he was so clever when he pretended to be Corbyn with nice hair and a better suit. Remember the ten socialist pledges? He doesn’t. He couldn’t name a single one of them. The man served in Corbyn’s shadow cabinet, then spent years telling us Corbyn’s Labour was “morally bankrupt.” You were literally part of the team, Keith!

Remember when the media gloated about how clever Starmer was for lying to get votes? Now he wants to manipulate algorithms so the MSM is forced down your throat and alternative media dies.

The entire establishment wants you to be controlled, not represented. If you read newspapers, you’re just subjecting yourself to brainwashing. It’s voluntary MK Ultra programming you to get angry at small boats instead of big ones. Why the fuck would you do that to yourself?

Everything Starmer did made our lives worse. He built a surveillance state, sold your data to Palantir, restricted protests so heavily you need planning permission and a risk assessment just to wave a placard, and he was surprised when people kept protesting anyway. The antisemitism card had been played so many times it was basically a loyalty points scheme. People just rolled their eyes and carried on calling out evil.

Starmer didn’t understand that authoritarianism stops working when huge numbers of people are so horrified by their government, they’re prepared to risk jail, or worse.

Starmer’s attack on our civil liberties didn’t come out of nowhere. It was intricately tied to his foreign policy which boiled down to one question: “How do we get away with keeping Israel happy?” Every terrible decision, every U-turn, every moment of moral cowardice traced back to the same place. The man couldn’t even resign without permission.

Now Labour’s great hope is Andy Burnham—Starmer with a northern accent and a sad face for Gaza. Iraq War cheerleader, IRGC proscription enthusiast, tough on immigration. He’ll tell you he feels your pain while quietly implementing the same agenda. He’s the British Kamala Harris. Tony Blair in a flat cap.

Problem is people are so desperate for change, they’ll get mad at you for pointing out the truth. Same thing happened in the US whenever anyone mentioned Genocide Joe’s dementia.

Remember those freaks who put their hands over their ears at the DNC convention? We have those types over here too. Burnham will exploit them for as long as he can. You can expect “I can’t do anything because of the mess we inherited” until the day he hands the number 10 keys to Nigel Farage.

Starmer’s departure wasn’t karma. It was more like the universe shrugging and saying, “Even I can’t watch this shit anymore.” The man who spent years calling everyone else unelectable somehow made himself unelectable faster than you can say “two-child welfare cap.”

A war criminal who wasn’t even good at being a war criminal. An authoritarian who wasn’t actually scary. A Labour leader who hated workers. Strong against the weak and weak against anyone adjacent to Epstein.

Don’t worry though, Starmer wasn’t actually on the Epstein client list, he just obeyed the people who were. This is how he “changed” the Labour Party.

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